The Writing on the Wall Reads Change

Yes, if you are a smarty pants, then you’ll tell me that the writing on the wall always reads ‘Change’, change is a part of every-day life. True, so true.

But I’m talking about seeing signs of change – similar to knowing there’s a movie playing at the movie theater versus actually knowing what movies are playing. I saw some of the change that’s lining itself up…

First, I’m going to seem to change the subject:

The Elements of Humans

People are people and we are all unique. Women, tho, are not like men. Sometimes I feel a bit uncomfortable saying this because I know there are people who don’t agree and who see women and men as being the same, equal and deserving of the same treatment. And people who feel this way are often defensive. That’s just not fun.

So I get to thinking that people don’t understand that there is a difference and that we’re not equal. Then I sometimes meet people who are the opposite. They know that men and women aren’t the same at all – and they recognize that each gender has its strength.

Then, sometimes, these thoughts start to carry me into an idea or a world in which there is a secret way. In Japan, K says, the culture has two modes for people: Honne – your true self and Tatemae – your outer face or what stands in front of your true self. The idea is that you would behave differently with a stranger, your boss or your waiter than you would by yourself or at home. These two modes of behavior might be vastly different.

Well, I wonder if the same is true in my society, with a twist. In the media, the Tatemae, we pretend that men and women are the same so that women are being admitted into special ops for the first time in history; women can be sharks in business and rip you apart, just like a man. Wait, what? Yes, women can be savvy and intelligent, just like a man, but they do it in a very different way (just look to Laurie Greneir on Shark Tank who’s feminine energy is so different than the men sharks). Let’s be more specific then: women won’t be as strong as men, men won’t be as nurturing as women (when each is in their perspective gender flow) – but that has nothing to do with the fact that both men and women are people. All people are capable of being intelligent, wise; all people can make good choices. Gender flow differences account for how men and women do thing differently. In other words, you have to separate what we can do, since anyone can do just about anything, versus how we do it, since no two people do things exactly the same and the way the masculine and femine genders do things will look like night and day.

So, in the world of Tatemae (what we present about ourselves before others, like our beliefs or values) which comes through the media – on the news, in the movies, on the cover of a magazine – we’ll say that men and women are the same. (That still seems like so obviously off, can we say that? For starters, the body of a man and a woman do not look the same.) The media illustrates, highlights and spotlights gender non-identification – or, worse still, they praise masculine traits out of balance. Take, for example, the Steve Jobs movie that’s currently playing. It’s the second one; people really like him and he’s praised as a creative leader and thinker. True, but what about the flip side? I mean, if you want an example of how to follow your self, believe in yourself and live the power of you, he’s a stellar example (so is Donald Trump). On the other hand, if you want an example of what it means to not know how to balance yourself with the world, how to be a jerk and how to burn your friends along the way, he’s a great example. What I’m saying is that Steve Jobs, from what I’ve learned, had an exemplary ability to tap into and follow himself – and this is the law of self in action. Believe in you and follow you – the kingdom of heaven is within and if you connect to you, all will unfold for you. He’s a fantastic example of this, again, so is Trump, and you’d do well to take these examples of living who you are to heart.

Be warned tho, the world becomes skewed, crooked and off when you are out of flow, as was Steve Jobs. You won’t really be happy when you’re burning bridges. You will be a richer person that Steve Jobs when you embrace both your masculine and feminine flows. Steve Jobs had a great masculine flow, but most of his life he was emotionally broke because he couldn’t really connect with people, his daughter.

My point: our Tatemae world says that being like Steve Jobs is the way to go – just look, we like and see him so much as an example that we made two movies about him. The only problem is that this view, which is lived by many, is off. It’s all mind and no heart, if you will.

The Real Honne World

Look more closely and you might see the same, silent world I do- the Honne side of society. This is a world you never hear of, but your neighbor is probably living; it is one in which men and women aren’t confused about their gender at all. Men act like men and women act like women and they acknowledge and appreciate themselves and the opposite gender. They are both strong, connected; they are both affecting their lives and – most importantly – they are both fulfilled and happy.

Yes, I feel like a scientist looking at a petri dish through a microscope. I took a sample of water from the ocean of mass media and am looking carefully at what’s in the water and what’s going on there. Sure, some people are living an opposite-gender life, and they don’t look too happy. However, most people are being more true to themselves and their lives are working out. What life are you living? Who are your heroes or role models?

A Little More Detail, Please

In case you are asking me to elaborate…

The feminine flow is a receptive flow. This flow of energy flows inward. It tends to be creative, nurturing, mysterious and deep. The masculine flow is assertive. Its energy flows outward and it tends to be constructive, doing-oriented, focused and driven.

People are a mix of both flows and are predominantly feminine (the ladies) and masculine (the men). The yin and yang symbol illustrates this well: each gender is mostly it’s color, but has some of the other color in it too.

You are what you are and you can’t change your energy. You certainly can override it and I see people doing this quite a bit. Especially the people we hear about and see in the media. When I watch the media I see a lot of messages communicating a need for men to discredit or devalue themselves. I see a lot of examples of women predominantly using masculine energy to get a head in life and land on top- and being praised for overriding their gender and behaving in masculine ways. In either case, what I don’t see is a comfort and confidence in one’s own natural gender flow.

Kalyn, I’m Gay

Ok, but that doesn’t change things. Because I’m talking about gender flow, not necessarily about your sexual orientation. This principal is true for any couple, heterosexual or homosexual. In either type of relationship, there is always one person who takes on more of the masculine role and the other person takes on the feminine role – energetically speaking. This means that one of the two is more of the director, one the leader; one is more the provider/protector, the other the nurturer and so on. Love and attraction are about opposites – gender flows of masculine and feminine – attracting. That has little to nothing to do with whether you are male or female because, generally speaking, most men hold a masculine flow and most women feminine, but that’s not always true. At all. There are a lot of women out there that wear ‘the pants’ in the family, taking on more of the masculine energy, and their male mate takes on a more feminine energy. There are no rules for love, but opposite energies of masculine and feminine attract.

 

What’s Most Interesting To Me

I sometimes say that when people spend time with me (or reading my blogs, watching my videos) the way they see life changes. Yes, you can say that spending time with me gives you a second vision about you and your life.

Well, here’s how you might see yourself differently if you’ve made it this far in the blog:

The most interesting thing to me is that some people are naturally true to their gender flow while others believe the Tatemae values communicated in society and they try to change themselves.

Psychologically trying to change something about yourself, like your gender flow, is like trying to move the ocean. Can you imagine trying to force your roast beef sandwich to be vegetarian sandwich? You may try to convince yourself that you have a vegetarian sandwich all you want, but you can never change the energetic makeup that created the roast beef. You can even take the roast beef out, but a forensic scientist will still find traces of that meat.

In other words, the universe is bigger than you or me and we can’t change the universal laws that govern us, try as we might.

And, my friend, I have to tell you that I tried when I was young. I tried doing it all and being a superwoman. Like many other women, I burned out. I guess age really has some advantages, like the wisdom to accept the universe.

 

Change Back

Now let’s come back to the place where I started.

I have changed a lot over the years. Actually, I feel like I’ve lived at least a handful of lifetimes since turning 21. In that sense, I feel like I’m almost 300 hundred years old, if each life lived 50 years. When you grow and evolve, which I’ve dedicated my life to since my early 20’s, sometimes you make great leaps and jumps in your development. You change drastically (in good ways) and then you look back at the person you were 5 minutes ago or a month ago (depending on whether the change is gradual or you experience a notable instantaneous shift in yourself) and you don’t recognize that person. Sometimes, that person, the former more immature you, even embarrasses you.

I’ve grown and evolved every year and I feel I’ve had several lifetimes in the span of this one body – and now I see the writing on the wall. Change is coming. I know of some obvious changes coming in our financial lives, but I also see changes coming in K’s work ventures. Me? Oh, I see change for me too. I love making videos, and may look to turn some of these blogs into videos too, but I’ve had a change in which I’ve been more interested in writing and exploring different aspects by writing instead of talking, which I’m sure my friend Jim, the Psychologist Dr., would say is a different experience in the brain. That’s a new one for me, how about you? Now I’ll have dinner conversation for the next dinner party I attend: ‘What’s new with me? Oh, I’ve been experiencing different parts of my brain. And you?’

 

The Teachable Moment

Last night I took my daughter to her gymnastics class where the coach insulted her. I told my daughter that the most important thing is for her to decide how she wants to handle this because she has to feel good herself.

I hope you know that I don’t judge whether you are male, female or what gender flow you predominantly use. I don’t care if you are intelligent or stupid, black, white or purple. Why should I? I’m more interested in whether you are benevolent and interested in personal and spiritual growth, like me, because then we will have a lot to talk about.

However, for you, I hope that the most important thing is that you are either in a great place in life or that you are now empowered to question what you believe. Do you succumb to the Tatemae ideas offered up by society or do you follow your own guidance, like Steve? Sure, you may not know how to find your own inner guidance, and maybe I’ll write about that soon. The first step though is a question. Am I who I am? Am I authentic with me? Am I honoring me? And if not, am I willing to change and allow the power of the universe to blow wind in my sails instead of trying to go against all of the flow of the ocean?

If you want the wind to power you so that you can enjoy life and be happy, then it’s time to allow yourself to change, which, ironically enough, starts by being who you already were. (See, I told you I’m all about the paradoxes in life – and having them work for you).

Make a change, choose your authentic self.