One of the hardest things about being a parent is… being a role model.
I specifically remember Tony Robbins saying, in the old Personal Power tapes, that you should always act as if you are being watched. He meant that you need to step up now and act like the person you want to be, and not wait to become it (because you only become that future version of you by being it now).
Well, when you have kids, you no longer have to pretend that you are being watched all of the time. Because you are being watched, even when your kids aren’t watching. They are still learning how to be, how to think and how to handle life – all by your example.
No pressure, right?
Yes, you have to recognize that deeper than your words or even your actions, children pick up on your energy, your mannerisms. They read body language better than adults and so, they know what you really mean, what you are really doing. They also learned quickly not to point out when you are saying one thing and doing another.
A side note: Of course, later as teenagers, this will turn to anger because you say one thing and do another; because you pretend to by nice to your neighbor and then ridicule them behind their back. They know you do this to them too and your kids become angry which will turn into rebellion. I expect that this might change some of how you see rebellion. Hopefully you are changing your mind from thinking that rebellion came from nowhere to realizing that kids just want for the world to be fair. They turned rebellious when they found out that the world isn’t fair, and this was worse than finding out about Santa Clause not existing. Sure, they go about expressing that in a wicked way, but pointing out our imperfections didn’t work out so they turned to anger.
Back to our topic – This is tough because whether you are a parent or not and whether you have a teenager rebelling against you or not, the same holds true. You are being watched by a bigger set of eyes – call them life or the universe. These eyes see even more deeply into you and there’s no hiding from them. These eyes read your conscious, subconscious thoughts and your intentions.
Now, I’m not meaning to freak you out (contrary to what it may seem like); I’m actually trying to broach a great topic: intention. I’m being straight with you, giving you the good, the bad and the ugly, because chemists can’t go into the lab and paint there chemicals cotton candy-pink before running their experiments. Just like them, you have to see life as it is in order to empower yourself to make positive changes to better your life.
They Say The Grass Is Greener, But It’s Really More Intentful
I am loving this presidential race for the first time since I can remember. In the past I’ve felt like candidates running were just different shades of undesirable. My friends and I would agree that the voting was just a choice between the lesser of two evils-kind of thing. This time it has been quite different.
Whether you like them or not, Trump, Carson and Fiorina are a new breed of candidate. Some of the news casters are starting to pick up on their popularity, but they used to treat them like a joke because they were so accustomed the average politician that they didn’t even recognize a hint of integrity and leadership in these three.
What I’m getting at is that these three are taking the race by storm because they are allowing people and the universe to watch them and learn what good leaders they are. Mind you, they aren’t perfect, but they have good leadership characteristics, which the ‘average’ candidate lacks.
Now, I don’t care what you think about them and, frankly, I don’t think you should either. Nor should you care what I think – but, if you’re interested in seeing above the smoke, then you’ll be more interested in how this can help you improve your life.
Aren’t you? Let’s go there!
There Is No Spoon And No Grass
One of my favorite movies was The Matrix and I’m thrilled to see that it’s become a classic. It too has a lot that you can use and apply to your life – and it’s all about you, baby! (Disclaimer- I specifically mean that you should be selfish and focused entirely on the authentic you, not the ego-you. Baby, it is all about you and when you are focused all on the authentic you, you will benefit people around you in amazing ways because you’ll have the power of the universe behind you. Like the sun, you’ll radiate authentically.)
I’m sure you remember the famous line ‘There is no spoon’- well, to apply this to your life, change that ‘spoon’ to ‘grass’. There is no grass, not on your side of the fence nor the other.
Realize this- when you have intention, you have it all. Even green grass, if you like, even when there is no grass.
Intention is a force. It is a force that can only come from your authenticity, though trying can mimic it (and leave you greatly disappointed). And, people can use intention without integrity, or their authenticity, granted. However, it never lasts. They burn out at some point.
Intention can be a big word, one that you may not know what to do with, but don’t buy your own fear. Intention means that you have set your own mind to something. Yesterday I met the parent of one of my daughter’s classmates and one of his remarks to me was ‘You’re an independent thinker, I like that’ and he really was impressed. That shouldn’t be impressive. We should all think for ourselves, make up our own minds because going with the crowd means not being authentic, unless you genuinely agree with the crowd. Making up your own mind based on what is important and meaningful to you – that is you tapping into your authenticity. Your choice and your intention for what is important and meaningful will create a force in your own life to be reckoned with!
Forget The Eyes (The Teachable Moment)
It’s easy for parents to imagine greener grasses, ‘if only I could afford this for my child’; but the truth is it is easy for us all to compare our experience and try to live up to something that really doesn’t exist. You and your intention are all that can exist.
Take some time to honor yourself. Take yourself out for a special treat, maybe a coffee, a glass of wine or tequila- and talk to yourself. Ask you what is important, significant. Choose who you want to be as a parent, a president or someone driving a car.
We send our kids to school for at least 12 years, but we don’t teach them to be whole people, to choose who they want to be (but it can be argued that we do the opposite, taking away their individuality). Change that tradition in you by empowering yourself to make these choices that can seem insignificant (what kind of driver, what kind of person who smiles or doesn’t?) or heavily significant (what kind of parent, mate; what kind of pastor). Your opinion about you and your life means far more than you realize, I promise.
Last night I watched Madame Secretary with Tea Leoni – she had a great line when confronted by the Chief of Staff who told her she had no choice. She responded “I’ve never been in a situation in which I had no choice”.
It’s your life and you have choice. Don’t measure the green grass, realize that it’s all you. And don’t go thinking that you’d like to be more than you can be, in case your saying ‘Kalyn, I’d like to be a rock star at work or at home or… but I don’t have it in me. I wish I did.”
Yeah, I know. No one is perfect, and you (and I) aren’t the exception to this rule (damn! I was hoping we would be). It’s not about being perfect so don’t measure that grass! Please note: I said choose who you want to be and do your best to be that person. That is intention. I didn’t say be perfect and don’t fail. You will be imperfect, you will fail and — you are likely to think– you can’t be or have your life the way you’d prefer. There in lies some of the confusion and the place where people get lost.
Don’t look at your life because you’ll be longing for that greener grass. Look instead at you and who you choose to be and then act from there. Let the rest go and start over: choose you (or recall your previous choice) and who you want to be and then act.
Let the results go because watching your life and how people or circumstances behave is like watching the green grass growing. It does nothing for you.
Focus on your intentions and appreciate you and your choices. Then you’ll be glad that the universe is watching and that your kids are because you’ll be affecting positive shifts in your life (and your universe) without even trying to. You’ll teach your children, or those around you, positive and uplifting lessons that go beyond words. You’ll be connected to yourself and you’ll enjoy your life.
Then you’ll stop and notice the smell the roses and the fresh-cut grass that surround you, still focusing on and enjoying who you choose to be.